Canadian Immigration Hotline

Canadian Immigration Hotline
June 2006, Number 185

O Teach Us –

We really want to learn: “There is an old Korean proverb: ‘Women should obey three men in their lives (so called samjongjido): obey your father until your marriage, obey your husband until his death, and obey your son until your death.’ In addition to this, there is another saying, ‘Women and dried pollack should be beaten every three days.'” (Project Blue Sky, 2000)

The Resident Terrorist

Anyone who suffered through early reports of the arrests of 17 “mostly Canadian citizens from a wide variety of backgrounds” has to wonder how anyone could have believed Canadian institutions needed more fertilizer. When the RCMP arrest people named Shareef, Ahmad, Qayyam, Mohammed, Yasim, Abdul, Asad, Fahim, Zacharia, Jahmaal and Saad and tell us that “it was hard to find a common denominator,” we’ve won a battle but lost the war. Toronto police Chief Bill Blair would actually boast of the June 2 arrests, “there was not one single reference made by law enforcement to ‘Muslim’ or ‘the Muslim community.'” David Harris, CSIS‘ former chief of strategic planning, was more helpful: “The political correctness aspect could kill us in the end. … Political correctness is analytically and intellectually dishonest. We have to understand the doctrine and the dogma of our enemy and we can’t do that if we dare not even speak the M-word or the I-word.” Six days after the arrests, he would tell a US Congress subcommittee on immigration, that Canada should shut down all immigration and refugee intake until we get the security of our house in order: “We are in a life-and-death struggle and a race against time …

Canada cannot effectively screen and integrate such numbers, and we’ve seen the proof.” Four days before the arrests, CSIS‘ deputy director of operations Jack Hooper would confirm that in testimony before our own Senate Defence Committee: Speaking of the 20,000 immigrants from the Afghanistan/Pakistan region who entered the country since 2001, he said: “We’re in a position to vet one-tenth of those [and] that may be inadequate.” [In an interview with Associated Press after the arrests, Canada’s ambassador to the US, Michael Wilson, blustered: We have a ‘very good system for screening every applicant’.] Hooper said CSIS was attempting to keep track of 350 “high-level” targets as well as 50 to 60 organizations thought to be linked to groups such as al-Qaeda.” In spite of Herculean efforts to spare M-word and I-word feelings, Canadians were left with scattered and, admittedly, prejudicial impressions of planned beheadings, hostage-takings, ammonium nitrate bombs, indiscriminate firing into crowds, before the inevitable judge ordered the inevitable gag order and the iron curtain of censorship fell between the public and any hope of clarification. Canada’s peculiar version of damage control. “Nothing to see here, folks. Keep moving.” Would it really surprise anyone if we’re told two years hence (when CSIS has shredded all intercepts and interviews), that the kids were attempting to procure ammonium nitrate to spell out “I love Canada” in tulips at a veteran’s cemetery?

While there has been some desultory talk about Svengalis seducing these kids, the real question is how they got to the point where they were so receptive to jihadi blandishments in the first place: “A federal official said he expects some serious reflection in government and security circles about how young people raised in Canada could allegedly conspire to commit such crimes. ‘Most of them went through the school system here. They’re not just off the plane. So there will be some questioning going on,’ the official said.” (Toronto Star, June 4,2006) Hey kids! Why invest in costly mujahadin recruiting tapes when Canadian institutions radicalize you free of charge? It can hardly have escaped the kids’ notice that Ottawa is forever crawling before some aggrieved minority group or other, even as schools teach that Canada has always been a multicultural country (and only systemic racism can explain efforts to minimize Samoan or Somali contributions to confederation) Having seen over the course of their own school careers how willingly our dominant religion has been shelved and replaced with same sex studies are they likely to conclude that Canadians are accommodating to a fault, or degenerate infidels willing to repudiate faith and tradition without protest? Like a patient awakened by the nurse to take a sleeping pill, these arrests do not necessarily mean we can just go back to sleep: “The still emerging picture of the alleged plotters also suggests this bunch may not have been the toughest nuts to crack. ‘There were so many different points that exposed this network — the Balkans, Sweden, London, North America,’ says Magnus Ranstorp, a terrorism expert with the Swedish National Defence College in Stockholm. ‘This was clearly not the most professional group.’ The overwhelming fear in European security circles these days are the terror cells like the one that carried out last July’s London tube bombings. ‘Small, self-radicalizing, autonomous cells with good operational security, and a good understanding of our surveillance techniques,’ says Ranstorp. ‘That’s the big problem.’ While CSIS and the RCMP deserve credit for doing such a thorough job, he still wonders what will happen if this country finds itself with a London-type challenge. ‘Before 9/11, Canada did not have a good reputation. They’ve learned a great deal,’ says Ranstorp. ‘But they’re one of the weaker links.'” (Maclean’s, June 19, 2006) And our inept immigration department and cringing police forces have to get it right every time; the terrorists must do so only once! Our preferred course of inaction — being too nice to invite trouble — misses the mark: In the jihadist view, it is wicked of Canada to award rights that are exclusively God’s. Qayyum Abdul Jamal, the oldest of the arrested, preached that Canada was sending troops to Afghanistan to rape women. In the Aesop‘s fable the scorpion can’t help but sting the obliging frog.

Canada‘s National Security/Terrorism Tip Line — 1-800-420-5805

Let’s Get Serious: a 10-Point Programme to Retake our Borders

The implementation of a moratorium can appeal simultaneously to greed and altruism, as all good immigration arguments must. But before any possible reforms can be considered, one paramount issue must be settled: The endlessly mischievous Singh Decision must be quashed and the notwithstanding clause invoked — no single reform will materialize while the courts undermine every effort to regain control of bedlamite Canada. That is to say, as a visitor or guest in Canada, you simply ought not enjoy the privileges afforded a full citizen (much less enhanced rights). No, the police cannot doe-si-doe you around an interrogation cell, but you most decidedly do not enjoy unlimited rights without responsibilities simply because you landed at Pearson Airport. A moratorium would mean:

1] No more new arrivals. You may want your family members to come over bu,t if YOU want access to our generosity, we just can’t afford to keep your auntie, grandmother and 2nd cousin.

2] Immigrants have been complaining that not nearly enough is being done for them. Their chances will improve beyond all recognition if we shut it down for 5 or 10 years and concentrate on getting these people assimilated and working.

3] Canada needs yet another zero-tolerance policy — a clear statement of fact: immigrants convicted of contravening the Criminal Code will be deported. Period. Even if it’s a shoplifting offence. The only remaining question is aisle or window seat? Murdered Jamaican drug dealer Waring (Spoogle) was under order of deportation as was Clinton Gayle, Ahmed Ressam, and a too-long list of others. Lives cannot be gambled against the unlimited right to appeal against deportation for criminals.

4] Deportees will submit to an iris scan — something all non-citizens will be subject to when they enter Canada, as will all applicants for citizenship prior to bestowing such. Anyone convicted of a crime will likewise submit to an iris scan. Aliens apprehended in this country with no such scan on file will be deemed an illegal entrant and deported. With this single, straightforward policy in place, criminals and return deportees can be neatly booted out at point of entry. Min Chen, the killer of Cecilia Zhang, could have been apprehended overnight, except that, as a visiting student, he was never fingerprinted.

5] No welfare and no benefits (see #7) until you’ve achieved Canadian citizenship. And,

6] No citizenship until you’ve been here 10 years, at which point you are welcome to apply. (The Germans have such a limitation in place and are considering extending the qualification time.). To qualify, you will be expected to be contributing to the country, exhibit a better than average command of one official language and vocabulary (and no changing what constitutes an official language!) Candidates will be examined on Canadian cultural, social, moral precepts (not the hastily invented idiocies of the post-Trudeau era, but the real fundamentals of Canadian civil life — those characteristics Canadians absorb as children — free speech, fair play, no special groups or individuals — just people.)

7] Revoke all funding for settlement services. Canadian taxpayers contributed hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Khadr family’s sham charity — we were, in fact, subsidizing Islamic jihad, as we have Tamil Tiger and Babbar Khalsa terrorists. No more. Immigrant groups are more than welcome to hold bake sales and fundraisers to establish any services they like (within legal constraints) for their own communities, but there is no justification for the taxpayers of Canada to provide the oxygen for groups like the South Asian Lesbian and Gay Youth Association — or rather — no justification apart from political shakedown.

8] Take back the political process. Where ethnic (or any) block is subject to any but normal electioneering, where constituency offices are swamped, where ministers sell visas to envelope stuffers, the clear beneficiary should be subject to enormous mandatory (personal) fines. Elections Canada must address the casual and fraud-prone current polling system. (During the 2004 federal election, occupants of large apartment buildings noted that excess voter cards were collected from the dead letter racks almost instantly, giving the holder the immediate “right” to cast a vote).

9] People who enter the country through the offices of smugglers and bent immigration consultants are not “victims” — they willingly entered into a criminal enterprise to circumvent an eminently fair system. They too, should be subject to deportation on conviction. (With timely action, there won’t be many anchor babies born in Canada, but where there are, the parents would be free to determine whether minor children are to be fostered or accompany their parents. If fostered, they may wish to apply to sponsor their parents in 20 years).

10] Legislation-crazed politicians must create new categories of immigration offences under the Criminal Code: Illegal entry (as an independent refugee, rather than the sponsored member of a family already on site, immigrants who “sponsor” family members who wind up on welfare for instance) must be dealt with at a criminal level. Conviction will lead to deportation. The saddest thing is that the covenant has been broken — and broken so many times and in so many entirely predictable ways that we are obliged to be just as devious as those who would take advantage. For the immigrant prepared to abide by the rules, the process of becoming a Canadian should be seamless and accommodating. The eradication of elements that habitually play and prey on the system will make Canada a freer and better place for a freer and better class of citizens. It won’t be easy, but whoever said curing yourself of a social deformity would be?

The Harry Poppins Scam

“Applications to come to Canada under the [live-in caregiver nanny] programme have ballooned at the Canadian mission in Chandigarh, India, which receives 200 applications a month, according to Citizenship and Immigration Canada documents. There is a 79-per-cent refusal rate. ‘The office has identified 69 nanny schools,’ in the Punjabi city of Jalandhar, according to a memo obtained under the Access to Information Act. … ‘While some of these are bona fide schools, there are a considerable number lacking facilities, equipment and students, but having large graduating classes. Most applicants are destined to work for relatives in Canada,’ the memo said. ‘Many of the applicants are male — in a society where child care is seen as the sphere of women.’ … Under the programme, applicants may seek to become permanent residents after they work as live-in caregivers for 24 months in a 36-month period. … The documents show that foreigners are using the programme as a quick route into Canada, as it can take longer to apply to enter as a skilled worker. [It’s also cheaper to acquire a child minder rather than bringing in relatives the old fashioned way — by sponsoring them legally.] This is the first time a surge of male applicants has applied to come to be nannies for their relatives. In many cases, the relatives lack the income to pay a nanny salary of approximately $1,000-$1,200 a month (plus room and board), and the applications are rejected. … The CIC documents show that ‘fraud is omnipresent in Chandigarh’ and found in every sort of document, Indian and Canadian. Officials have found entire ‘kits’ of forged documents, including bank documents, Canadian passports, letters from Canadian funeral homes and educational institutions. Such kits have been used to support requests for parents to visit their children or attend funerals of close relatives in Canada.” (Globe and Mail, May 22, 2006) Scamming all the way!

Clash Of The Unenlightened

On the night of Friday, June 9, Montrealer Pierre Brabant was working on a Lost Weekend and the hangover of a lifetime. Around midnight, locking Al Qods mosque, imam Said Jaziri and friend were startled by the sight of an inebriated man brandishing a large butcher knife: “‘Do you want to die a martyr? Do you have an explosive belt?’ the man said, according to the imam. [Jaziri dialled 911 as his friend hustled up the road, followed by the man loudly criticizing the pair’s clothing and religion. No one was actually hurt. At Brabant’s subsequent bail hearing, the 34-year-old delivery man wiped tears from his eyes as his mother and sister told the judge they don’t consider him racist and were totally shocked to hear about the accusations. ‘When I read in the newspaper about martyr, it’s not in his vocabulary,’ sister Isabelle Brabant said. ‘He’s a good person normally, a hard worker and fun-loving.’ Earlier, Brabant admitted that he might have a problem with alcohol. ‘I don’t have good control when I drink,’ he told the court. Jazeri didn’t attend court, but said in a telephone interview that he hopes this will serve as a lesson to Brabant that violence can’t be used to resolve problems.” (Canadian Press, June 13, 2006) Very droll. Last fall, the Tunisian-born imam “remained in his mosque for three weeks, saying he feared being deported after authorities decided to review his refugee status. He admits he concealed that he was convicted [and jailed] for assault in France in 1995, but says this came in a scuffle when non-Muslim residents demonstrated outside a mosque, demanding it be closed. [Oh, well then. Without elaborating, immigration officials called him ‘a controversial figure in the community, and not only for the above stated reasons.’ It might have been the false French passport he was nabbed with the year before his arrival in Canada, or his sudden claims that he had been tortured in Tunisia after France deported him — something he had never mentioned to the IRB.] In February, he led a demonstration protesting the publication of caricatures of the prophet Mohammed, even though other local Muslim leaders urged the community to stay away from such events for fear of inflaming the situation. [While organizing the protest, Jaziri told the media that Moslems ‘need an outlet for their frustration.’] Mr. Jaziri has also criticized the Ontario government’s decision to ban sharia law. Other interests include campaigning for $20-million in government subsidies to build a huge mosque for Montreal’s rapidly growing Muslim population — an idea the city administration rejected. The imam notes that his late-night encounter with Mr. Brabant has been picked up by the al-Jazeera Arabic-language news network and could hurt Canada’s image. [This is not quite the same thing as suggesting the incident ‘could hurt’ Canada’s image because CNN or BBC had picked up the story. In spite of strenuous efforts to mislead the public about the X factor linking the Toronto terror suspects, the activist blames the media for Mr. Brabant’s alcohol-fogged attack.] ‘There’s been a lot of media who debated about the mosques, asking what are mosques for, saying they are places of terrorism,’ Mr. Jaziri said. … ‘I hope things will settle down. Because if today one person is attacked, tomorrow others will be attacked. . . . Are Muslims going to stay with their arms folded all their lives? No. One day they’ll get fed up.'” (Globe and Mail, June 12, 2006)

So, we have one drunken lapse (however regrettable), versus a series of deliberate, if oblique, threats. Well, never mind, the head of Montreal’s Moslem community wants Brabant charged with a hate crime. Over the prosecution’s objections, Quebec court judge Isabelle Rheault released Brabant on bail, ruling that the courts must not be swayed by events elsewhere. But Jaziri is having none of that: “These people have prejudices and it looks like it has to do with our situation these days.” The cultural divide couldn’t be greater: The unassimilated imam and his community have neither background nor inclination to weigh Brabant’s behaviour in the context of one night of two-fisted drinking. Take for example, this excerpt from a downloadable sermon on a Toronto-based site: “If any of you have ever, by accident, been on downtown Yonge Street at 11:30 – 12 o’clock at night, it reminded me of when you walk into a room in the night time and you flick on a light and you see the cockroaches go — that’s what it was like. The streets were packed and the people were in and around, and the fitna! [Fitna is an apocalyptic Arabic term connoting civil war, a time of tribulation] There is the smell of alcohol, the smell of pot and the smell of urine in the street … that’s why when you go out in the morning sometimes downtown Toronto, they’re sweeping the sidewalks, because the filth accumulates during the night.” (Dawud Whamsby Ali, Amusing Ourselves to Death, Young Muslims of Canada)

A week after the Toronto terror arrests, 15 Moslem leaders met with Stephen Harper, Canada’s leading candidate for beheading. While there was talk of excising radical elements from the mosques, the incident outside Al Qods was cited as evidence that a backlash was underway. “Tarek Fatah, spokesman for the Muslim Canadian Congress, said … the issue of American-based Islamic organizations spreading fundamentalism and extremism to Canada also arose. He said two — the Islamic Society of North America and the Islamic Circle of North America — were singled out. ‘This is America pushing its fundamentalist Islamist thinking into Canada, not vice-versa.'” (Canadian Press, June 12, 2006) How very assimilated of them to blame the Americans. The web host of the sermon comparing Yonge Street revellers to cockroaches is “the Ontario-based Young Muslims of Canada (YMC) whose stated objective is no less than ‘the establishment of Islam in North America in its entirety and comprehensiveness.’ The YMC, just as its US-based sister association Young Muslims of North America, constitutes the youth wing of the Islamic Circle of North-America (ICNA) [the outfit that has Canadian Moslems so worried about extremism.] ICNA is the United States’ second largest mosque federation [and] maintains a Canadian division as well. … Often called the North American branch of the al Qaeda-allied Jama’at-I-Islami Pakistani jihadist group by leading experts on radical Islam, ICNA is under investigation by FBI counter-terrorism agents for alleged terror ties and fundraising activities. ICNA is also listed among 24 other Islamic organizations suspected by the U.S. Senate Committee on Finance of ‘financ(ing) terrorism and perpetuat(ing) violence’ in a December 23 2003 letter sent to the IRS requesting a thorough examination of ICNA’s financial records. Unsurprisingly, given its genealogy, YMC propagates a radical brand of Islam among Canadian Muslim youth through Halaqas (youth study circles) which serve as nodes in the association’s network. (David Ouellette, Judeoscope, April 6, 2005) A visit to YMC’s web page reveals that just such a halaqa (the Meadowvale Brothers) operated out of the now-infamous Meadowvale Secondary School — alma mater to several of the terror suspects.

Chinese Fortunes Tank

Dao-chang Zhong, “40-year-old parts assembler was just two minutes away from his low-wage job at a Newmarket electronics factory when his bicycle suddenly veered in front of a Pontiac Sunbird. … It was Jan. 16 of this year, the heart of winter, but the skies and roads were clear. Weather wasn’t to blame: Police said Zhong made a strange hand signal, crossed two lanes of traffic and was run down by a 19-year-old driver who didn’t stand a chance of stopping. No charges were laid. ‘Maybe they do things differently in China,’ said one cop. [Zhong] was an independent ‘skilled worker’ from the mainland, Mandarin-speaking, highly educated, knew some textbook English but had poor conversational skills; settled north of Toronto, struggled to crack the labour market with credentials and degrees that weren’t recognized by employers, and finally abandoned his professional training for a job beneath his skill set. … He was a PhD in mining, who only six months earlier had left a prestigious job as an associate professor of electronics at Shandong Agricultural University. [Mainlanders like Zhong — well perhaps not exactly like him] are changing the face of Toronto’s Chinese community, which until recently was dominated by Cantonese-speaking immigrants from southern China and especially Hong Kong, many of whom were better acclimatized to western culture, employment, education and language due to their colonial history. [So, that’s not a bad thing?] New research shows that the average annual income of today’s Chinese immigrant is half that of the general Canadian population, despite the fact more newcomers from China have bachelor and masters degrees than ever before. The 2005 study by [two clearly neutral] geography professors Shuguang Wang of Ryerson University and Lucia Lo of York University compared landing records from 1980 to 2000 and tax data from 1999, which showed average total income of Chinese immigrants at the time to be only $15,000. [Declared income, presumably!] ‘We need to recognize that there’s a problem,’ said Wilbert Lai, a certified management accountant and member of the Chinese Professionals Association of Canada (CPAC).

‘The mosaic is changing and (mainland immigrants) are the most economically stressed. They face the toughest challenges,’ he said. [Still, Canada can’t seem to get enough of them.] From 1995 to 2001, the number of mainland immigrants to Canada more than tripled from 13,309 per year to 40,363 [peaking at 43,400 in 1994] Those numbers have since held steady at about 36,000 annually for the last three years. In the same time period, permanent residents arriving from Hong Kong dropped from 31,769 in 1995 to only 1,544 in 2004. [Insurance citizenships no longer needed.] Mainland China has been the No. 1 source country of skilled immigrants in Canada since 1998. Each year, more than 16,000 mainlanders settle in the Toronto area. … In the half year that he was here, Zhong’s credentials and experience were meaningless as he searched for work with the help of an employment agency. [Through an interpreter, Zhong’s wife Zhang (wife and daughter were brought over after his death) said] Zhong was a good person, a life-long learner who continued to study even after he earned his doctorate, she said. He had a reputation for always being willing to help others. He loved his parents and took care of his [FIVE] siblings. … A 2002 Internet survey of recent Chinese immigrants by the Toronto-based North Chinese Community of Canada found that only 20% of the 1,345 participants said they would remain in Canada after getting Canadian citizenship. ‘It represents a brain drain,’ said Lo. ‘Some would argue it’s brain abuse. It’s an underutilization of human resources.’ [Not a word about abuse of process or squandering Canada’s tax-subsidized resources.] Key roadblocks, the study found, were labour market discrimination by employers who favour Canadian education and experience, and a lack of English proficiency. ‘These are quality employees with the potential to contribute to Canada and its labour market,’ said Wang. ‘They work hard.

They have a good work ethic. They may not be able to write a good report in the first year, but they’ve got excellent skills.’ [Not to be unfeeling about the poor guy’s death, but if he could not even ride a bicycle after six months in Canada, just what kind of high powered job was Zhong liable to slip seamlessly into?] Wang said the government should provide incentives like wage subsidies to companies that hire new immigrants to help offset the cost of training. [So what if 80% intend to leave once they’ve bagged citizenship?] ‘I don’t think that Chinese immigrants are facing any unique barriers compared to other visible minorities,’ he added. ‘It’s an issue of employers trusting foreign credentials.’ [Not an unrealistic concern — see below] Danny Mui, executive director of … Chinese Interpreter and Information Services said many of his clients are frustrated and stressed by ‘the gap between their expectations and reality.’ Often, Mui said, those expectations are raised by immigration consultants in China who paint Canada as the land of opportunity, while friends and family struggling here downplay their negative experiences — sometimes to save face. … ‘The government should let potential immigrants know about the reality before they come.’ [But friends and family must be forgiven when they deliberately deceive their nearest and dearest. Canadians had better get it through their thick skulls that whatever happens, or doesn’t happen, it’s our fault!] While everyone agrees that recognition of foreign credentials is a huge problem, just as important — if not more so — is getting immigrants Canadian work experience, said Wilbert Lai, who wants to see tax breaks for firms that hire newcomers. Lai points to the Employment-Language-Mentoring Programme run in Toronto by CPAC, CICS and the Association of Chinese Canadian Entrepreneurs [funded with tax dollars channelled through Immigration Canada] Everyone involved with the ELM program says it needs to be expanded: They want more government funding and more employers involved in the mentoring component. [Meanwhile, hint, Zhong’s wife and daughter] would like to stay … a soon-to-expire visitor’s visa stands in their way.”

(Toronto Sun, May 14, 2006) Notice Zhong’s wife eulogizes him as a “life-long learner.” Odd turn of phrase, isn’t it? Canada was spared the interminable bun fight over credentials recognition while the Designated Occupations List (comical though it was), survived. But in it’s infinite wisdom, Immigration Canada would do away with the tiresomely sensible concept of admissions based on labour-market shortages, opting instead for nebulous “life-long learners” brimming with “transferable skill sets.” Just another way of saying, “Cannot speak English,” in our opinion. The result is even more shambolic than one might reasonably expect from this most clueless of departments — every cab manned by a clinically depressed brain surgeon while contractors scour the hemispheres for cut-rate tradesmen. And the smoking gun? Lucienne Robillard‘s Jan 6, 1999 announcement that “The new selection model will place less emphasis on the current occupation-based system and focus more on choosing skilled workers with sound and transferable skill sets. More emphasis will be placed on education [along with] modified personal suitability criteria adjusted to emphasize flexibility.” Let’s hope it made sense in French. Bigger Hammer School Of Dentistry

“In August [2002], the Educational Testing Service announced it was cancelling its GRE [Graduate Record Examinations] computer science subject test in China (and also India) because of widespread cheating.” (International Herald Tribune, October 15, 2002) India’s University Grants Commission recently issued an alert about something called “the American University of Hawaii (AUH), operating in India. AUH is not accredited by any recognised agency and it has not been licensed or approved by the State of Hawaii. [It has] no students or graduates in the United States and primarily issues degrees and diplomas to non-US citizens, including those in India.” (India Daily News & Analysis, June 2, 2006) Earlier, the same oversight agency exposed 22 additional diploma mills on the sub-continent: Maithili University, Darbanhga (Bihar province); Mahila Gram Vidyapeeth, Prayag, Allahabad (UP); Varanasi Sanskrit College, Varanasi (UP); JagatPuri, Delhi; Commercial University Limited, Daryaganj, Delhi; Indian Education Council of UP, Lucknow (UP); Gandhi Hindi Vidyapeeth, Prayag, Allahabad (UP); Natejaji Subash Chandra Bose University (Open University), Achaltall, Aligarh (UP); DDB Sanskrit University, Putoor Trichi (Tamilnadu); St. John’s University, Kisanatyam, Kerala; United National University, Delhi; Uttar Pradesh University, Kosikala, Mathura (UP); Mahrana Pratap Shiksha Niketan University, Pratapgarh (UP); Rja Arbik University, Nagpur; Keshravani Vidyapeeth, Jabalpur (MP); Delhi Vishav Vidyapeeth, Tagore Park, Model Town, Delhi; Badarganavi Sarkar World Open University Education Society, Gokak, Beilgaon (Karnataka); Bhartiya Shiksha Parisad UP, Lucknow; National University of Electro Complex Homeopathy, Kanpur; and Vocational University, Delhi. Of course, some places won’t even squeeze you for “tuition.” It’s not much of a stretch for the world’s leading producer of pirated DVDs and knock-off fashions to expand into fake diplomas: In Shenzhen, China, “a short, slick man in his 20s beats out his swarming rivals to approach a visitor. ‘Can I help you? What documents are you looking for?’ … After a bit of haggling, [he] agrees to provide one of his products — a top pedigree university diploma for 250 yuan, or $32. … State-run Chinese news media reported that the national census in 2000 recorded at least 600,000 more college or university graduates than the actual number of degrees awarded. … The widespread use of forged credentials has raised doubts in Western academic and business circles about the qualifications of Chinese students and job applicants.” (CNN, August 5, 2002) Try telling that to Ottawa. Millions have been dedicated to fast-track anyone in possession of a cryptic piece of sheepskin.